A matter of the heart…

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I am not a writer, like my sister. However I don’t have too much trouble articulating how I feel.  This is probably one of the worst days of my life, to this point.  It has been a difficult last 6 months. I  moved away from my mom, who subsequently passed away , at 75 years young. This was the most difficult  thing that I have ever had to deal with, bar none.  Over the last 2 years of her life, I learned about a mother’s love for her son.  Not that I hadn’t known or felt it before, it just felt more tangible, unbeknownst to me….But crystal clear , now.  I have always been a big proponent of family, the importance of it, the reasons that we should embrace it , like nothing else…I have come full circle. During the last 2 years of my mom’s life, I had the chance to reacquaint myself with an old high school flame. Unfortunately, as a teenager, I was not so lucky to have been a part of her life, nor was she privy to any aspects of mine.. She too is a mom. A wonderful, selfless, caring and loving MOM. This is why today, is one of the most profoundly sad days for me. She has 2 sons. One is an adult, and really doesn’t  “need his mommy” in that way. Her other son, a remarkable 14 year old, who absolutely adores her, (for good reason) …DOES…. As I sat down by the Summerside harbor, reflecting, I gazed out at a vast expanse of white. The once brilliant glittering diamonds on the waves of summer, were now frozen in a cold, hard  winter tapestry. At the very limit of my field of view, stood a lonely lighthouse. It sat there, much like I sat in my car, wondering  if this profound sadness would ever dissipate. I reconciled myself to the fact that A mothers love cannot be denied. There is no power on earth, save God’s own, that can surpass the selfless, genuine and unconditional love that a mother feels for her child..I would not ever seek to deny that. It is not who I am. I am about following my heart, I preach the same, and I feel it, everyday that I make food. It is why I am here in Summerside, and my soulmate must return to her son. It’s not about a broken heart, or unrequited love. No, this is about a mother that belongs closer to her son. I accept that, with a heavy heart, but knowing that it is for a greater good. I will continue to make food, and follow my heart, because it is what makes  me feel purposeful. I do believe though, that when one lets go of someone that they love, a portion of their heart goes with them…I don’t expect that will ever change…..Janice, I love you, and I wish you joy, and everything that you deserve, my heart will continue to beat for you, long after you’re gone…

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One thought on “A matter of the heart…

  1. No words are good enough to bring comfort for now. The twists and turns of life are always working in ways we can’t imagine. Keep hope in your heart, and trust that you’ll be reunited again in ways that will bless all of you.

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